Please don't hang up
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Selfish Ramblings...
Just to warn you, this is not a happy post. If you are looking for something to make you laugh or smile, please move along.

For those of you who do not know, my dad was diagnosed with mouth cancer in March. You can see more about his type of cancer, here if you are interested.

He started his radiation/chemo on Monday 5/22. He went Monday & Tuesday and then was very, very sick for the rest of the week. Well, this past weekend, he was admitted to the hospital for severe abdominal pain. They were not sure what was wrong with him.

He had refused to take his stool softener the previous day and the day of. I have no idea why considering all the pain medicine he's on. So, he thought he was constipated. He was very sick, in so much pain, moaning even in his sleep. They ran some tests and thought perhaps it was his gallbladder or appendix since his white blood cell count was up. They ran tests on and off most of the weekend, taking him to x-ray as well as trying to get him to have a bowel movement.

Turns out, he was just constipated and sick. Thank God that is all it was but it caused for a very dramatic weekend.

I am stinking into some kind of depressed funk. Dad has lost 10 pounds in just 2 weeks, making him down to 149 pounds. He looks so sick and so little. I am very afraid that he is not going to make it through this. And it doesn't help that I have no help/support from any of his family on this. Yes, I have support from my mom and a few of my friends but it would be nice to share this load with his family.

His sister in Florida has been rude and unkind to me. She will call and speak to my dad though so I guess that is all that matters. His mother is constantly talking about me and trying to tell me what to do. His one brother is in England and his other brother is no support either.

My brother is in jail in Florida and my parents are divorced. This load is very heavy. I have been recently having panic attacks at night and I am not sleeping well. I don't have very many friends so I have very few people to talk to about this. The ones I do talk to about this, I am afraid are so sick of hearing about it, I don't talk to them about it anymore.

I have asked God for help but have trouble turning this "problem" over to him. My silly control issues I guess. I also find myself wondering what God can do about this problem so I don't really turn it over to him.

The whole situation just seems so hopeless. I'm trying to be strong and brave for my dad but I get no break from it so it's hard for me to keep up a good face sometimes. I just don't want to get out of bed anymore. And I even feel bad about feeling that way. Dad hasn't given up so why should I?

Well, on Sunday I got an awakening on that. Dad is thinking about giving up. I could see it all over his face. Though I try to talk to him about it, it's ultimately up to him. This just makes it so much harder on me. I want him to LIVE!!! I don't want him to die. But I don't know what to say to him about it. Except just that. I want him to live. He can beat this. But he knows in his head, there is a possibly even after all of this...that he won't beat it. I just don't know what to do anymore. This is a very long road for both of us, yet I feel that we are sitting in a car that is broken down and neither of us know how to fix it.

I feel very selfish posting about this. I am whining and complaining and I am the healthy one.

I'm sorry that I posted about this but I felt that I "needed" to. If you don't mind, please pray for my dad and myself. We are just at the beginning of this struggle.
posted by Susan @ 11:56 AM   14 comments
Friday, May 26, 2006
Before I forget...


We pause on this Memorial Day to join in this refrain for those who gave their all for us so freedom we'd retain. For Darkness they confronted in preserving Freedom's Light, we owe them more than we can pay for giving more than life but the lives they gave endure today in hearts and souls and the minds of we who drink from Freedom's Cup, the Fruits of Freedom's Vines.
Permanent link to the silent animation for this installment: http://PoliSat.Com/Images/MemorialDay2005.gif.
posted by Susan @ 10:50 AM   4 comments
Thirteen Weird Blogging Things...
So my friend Jeana made up her very own meme and I decided to play along! I'm supposed to list 13 weird blogging things I do. I'm not sure I can list 13 things but I will sure try.

1. I read all of my favorite blogs before I write anything myself.
2. I read them all in alphabetical order (I have them listed that way in my favorites).
3. I get disappointed if nothing new is posted since I logged off yesterday.
4. I read the blogs first thing when I get to work.
5. Sometimes at night, depending on what I am doing, I think of ideas to blog about the next day and I will write them down.
6. I tell people about my blogging friends and talk about them like I know them outside of the internet.
7. I will put off working until I finish my blogs.
8. As I type this, I am putting off work so I can finish this meme.
9. I get really disappointed when people don't leave me comments so I try to leave a comment every where I go, even if it's just HI!! (Some places I seldom leave comments at, a few blogs I read get over 30 comments daily, I tend not to leave comments on those in fear I will get lost in the sea of people)
10. I think I have run out of weird things...

Play along if you can!
posted by Susan @ 7:43 AM   8 comments
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Praise the Lord.
As most of you know, or if you don't - see here - I am strongly against a religious group that is protesting soliders funerals. I don't mind the protesting or even the feelings behind it but this is just vile. They are casting an image of my God that I just think is wrong. A bunch of us here at work have been praying about this since we've heard the start.

Well praise God, something has been done about it!!

Congress passes funeral protest ban

Bill targets group that taunts mourners at military rites

Thursday, May 25, 2006; Posted: 4:07 a.m. EDT (08:07 GMT)
WASHINGTON (AP) -- Demonstrators would be barred from disrupting military funerals at national cemeteries under legislation approved by Congress and sent to the White House.
The measure, passed by voice vote in the House Wednesday hours after the Senate passed an amended version, specifically targets a Kansas church group that has staged protests at military funerals around the country, claiming that the deaths were a sign of God's anger at U.S. tolerance of homosexuals.

The act "will protect the sanctity of all 122 of our national cemeteries as shrines to their gallant dead," Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, R-Tennessee, said prior to the Senate vote.
"It's a sad but necessary measure to protect what should be recognized by all reasonable people as a solemn, private and deeply sacred occasion," he said.

Under the Senate bill, approved without objection by the House with no recorded vote, the "Respect for America's Fallen Heroes Act" would bar protests within 300 feet of the entrance of a cemetery and within 150 feet of a road into the cemetery from 60 minutes before to 60 minutes after a funeral. Those violating the act would face up to a $100,000 fine and up to a year in prison.

The sponsor of the House bill, Rep. Mike Rogers, R-Michigan, said he took up the issue after attending a military funeral in his home state, where mourners were greeted by "chants and taunting and some of the most vile things I have ever heard."

"Families deserve the time to bury their American heroes with dignity and in peace," Rogers said Wednesday before the House vote.

The demonstrators are led by the Rev. Fred Phelps of Topeka, Kansas, who has previously organized protests against those who died of AIDS and gay murder victim Matthew Shepard.
In an interview when the House bill passed, Phelps said Congress was "blatantly violating the First Amendment" rights to free speech in passing the bill. He said that if the bill becomes law he will continue to demonstrate but would abide by the restrictions.

Sen. Pat Roberts, a Republican from Kansas, said the loved ones of those who die have already sacrificed for the nation and "we must allow them the right to mourn without being thrust into a political circus."

In response to the demonstrations, the Patriot Guard Riders, a motorcycle group including many veterans, has begun appearing at military funerals to pay respects to the fallen service member and protect the family from disruptions.

More than a dozen states are considering similar laws to restrict protests at nonfederal cemeteries. The American Civil Liberties Union has filed a lawsuit against a new Kentucky law, saying it goes too far in limiting freedom of speech and expression.
posted by Susan @ 2:09 PM   4 comments
Why I love the Summertime
Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about why I love the summer!

1. Warmth!
2. More daylight hours
3. Kings Island
4. Sandals
5. Cook outs
6. Swimming
7. Vacations
8. Fire flies
9. Flea Markets
10. Baseball games
11. Camping
12. More animals and excitement at the zoo
13. Reading more books!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It's easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

posted by Susan @ 7:26 AM   9 comments
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Wordless Wednesday

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am that scary...
posted by Susan @ 10:51 AM   21 comments
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Random things...
Random things that make me a freak:

1. I always use the second stall in the bathroom here at work.

2. I cannot talk to attractive men. I just become an idiot.

3. I do the same thing every morning in the shower. Wash hair, rinse, apply conditioner, wash body, shave (if necessary), rinse conditioner.

4. I have these pants on today that are so tight, I used the rest room and my underwear is imprinted in my skin. (I know, sorry for the mental image)

5. I think it's time to toss/donate these pants.

More to come I'm sure... :o)
posted by Susan @ 3:54 PM   4 comments
It's Tuesday!
Have I mentioned this to anyone...

I am going to see Minnie!!!

HAHAHAHA! Come on, it made you smirk too!

Alright, moving on. I haven't heard back from my travel agent yet. I wonder if that is good or bad? I won't freak out. I'm trying to be patient.

I did talk to Minnie last night on the phone. I think she is totally hysterical and very easy to talk to. I enjoyed our conversation a lot and that made it all the harder to wait to meet her!! Patience is a virtue right?

Okay, this is a short post. I can't think of anything else to say. I'll write more later if I come up with something.

Have a good day!

posted by Susan @ 10:39 AM   0 comments
Monday, May 22, 2006
Oh My Gosh, I am so excited.

I am going to see Minnie!!!

Okay, so I don't have a lot of details yet, but after a few emails and a lovely phone conversation, it's confirmed. She's NOT freaked about me coming to see her. :)

Right now, the plan is to go sometime in July. I'd like to go for 5-7 days. I will be renting a car because Minnie cannot drive (see here for why she can't drive) and we want to travel! I have sent this information to my travel agent so I'm just waiting for details! PRAY that I can go, cheaply. Please. Everything I looked at online is so FREAKING expensive. I'm hoping that my travel agent can get me a break.

I will be staying with Minnie and her family, so that alone cuts me a break on travel expenses. (Thanks Minnie...)

As soon as I have more details, Minnie and I have plans to visit other bloggers. No names now. Don't you love the suspense?

I'm hoping to have this all planned by the end of the week.

Aren't you excited??


PS - I visited my friend Julie's church this weekend. I LOVED IT! I plan to be back next Sunday. Thanks for inviting me Julie and making me feel welcome!

posted by Susan @ 12:45 PM   6 comments
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Tag! I'm it!
Minnie tagged me for this so I guess I will play along. :)

What is your favorite word? Freak. I call people freaks all the time. Most of the time, I am kidding and mean it in a good way....yeah, most of the time...

What is your least favorite word? Poop

What turns you on spiritually, creatively, emotionally? I'm not sure how to answer this one. So I will just kind of wing it. Spiritually - I have no idea, still learning. Creatively - Life. Emotionally - I am not sure. Emotionally I am a roll coaster most of the time.

What turns you off? Back stabbers

What's your favorite curse word? HELLO! This is a rated "G" blog. *shakes head*

What sound or noise do you love to hear? I love to hear children laughing. It seriously brings a smile to my face everytime.

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? A writer.

What profession would you NOT like to do? Clean up poop (seeing a trend here?)

If Heaven exists (HELLO! What do you mean "IF"?), what would you like to hear God say at the pearly gates? Well done, good and faithful servant. (Yes Minnie, I kept your answer here.)

I tag - Heather, Pamela Lynn and Echo, you're it!
posted by Susan @ 7:09 AM   6 comments
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Wednesday Wisdom
Prescribed by the Great Physician
The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...
Noah was a drunk
Abraham was too old
Isaac was a daydreamer
Jacob was a liar
Leah was ugly
Joseph was abused
Moses had a stuttering problem
Gideon was afraid
Samson had long hair and was a womanizer
Rahab was a prostitute
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
David had an affair and was a murderer
Elijah was suicidal
Isaiah preached naked
Jonah ran from God
Naomi was a widow
Job went bankrupt
Peter denied Christ
The Disciples fell asleep while praying
Martha worried about everything
Mary Magdalene was ...
The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once Zaccheus was too small
Paul was too religious
Timothy had an ulcer..AND Lazarus was dead!

Now! No more excuses! God can use you to your full potential. Besides you aren't the message, you are just the messenger. In the Circle of God's love, God's waiting to use your full potential.

1. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
2. Dear God, I have a problem, it's Me.
3. Growing old is inevitable ... growing UP is optional.
4. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.
5. Silence is often misinterpreted but never misquoted.
6. Do the math .. count your blessings.
7. Faith is the ability to not panic. .
8. Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.
9. If you worry, you didn't pray ... If you pray, don't worry.
10. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home everyday.
11. Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.
12. The most important things in your house are the people.
13 When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.
14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.
15 He who dies with the most toys is still dead.

Have a great day!!! The SON is shining and he can certainly use you!
posted by Susan @ 9:29 AM   7 comments
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Did you know?
I found this at Don't Try this at Home and after giving it some thought, I felt that I should maybe write about my own experiences with Depression.

How sad is it that I had no idea that May was Mental Health Month? I SHOULD KNOW THIS!!

About 5-6 years ago, I started crying and could not stop. Just started crying one day. My life was, or at least I thought, in pretty good shape, I was handling, I was doing okay. WRONG.

I started dropping my friends. I didn't call or write emails. I didn't want to hang out. I wanted to stay home. No big deal. I'm just going through a phase, just wanted to be alone.

I started putting on weight. Man, gotta go on a diet. Eat better foods.

I started sleeping alot. Man, gotta sleep more. Gotta sleep better.

Then, I cried. Non- stop. Someone would say hello, I'd start to cry. How is going Susan? I'd start to cry. You okay Susan? I'd cry harder.

Everyone hates me. I was paranoid, defensive, grumpy, aggressive (in bad ways).

I started thinking about suicide.

I was already seeing a therapist to help deal with some other issues I had. I went in one night, sobbed hysterically and told her everything that I had felt. Then the magic words.

You are clinically depressed.

What? Serious? This is a phase, I know it's a phase. WRONG AGAIN.

I've been on medicine since. I see a L.I.S.W. (License Independent Social Worker) part time now. I am getting better.

I take my medicine and talk about it. That is the biggest hurdle.

It's a very mis-understood disease. People at work treat me differently. People in my life treat me differently. You tell someone you have depression and it's almost like you've grown a third head.

I am not crazy. I am not a murderer. I do not talk to aliens. I do not hear voices. I do not see dead people.

I am just depressed. I'm not good at explaining it. I'm not good at talking about it. I just know people don't understand it.

I often tell people to go to this website and read up on things. It helps to understand.
posted by Susan @ 12:57 PM   4 comments
Monday, May 15, 2006
Monday Blues
As a general rule, I think Monday's suck. Today is NO different.

I woke up late this morning. This is due to the fact that I stayed up until almost midnight reading "She's All That" by Kristin Billerbeck. I LOVE LOVE LOVED IT! Has anyone read the next one? "A Girl's Best Friend"? I think I may go to the book store tonight and buy it. That is how much I loved the first one. So, I guess on this Monday morning, it's my own fault that I am tired. But can I just blame it on Monday anyway?

Had to go to the doctor this morning. I left work at 8:15 for my 8:30 appointment. Arrived at the doctor at 8:26. Signed in. DOCTOR DID NOT COME OUT UNTIL 8:45!! Why oh why do you schedule appointments and then the doctors see you at their convinence? That is frustrating for me.

Today has been boring. LONG LONG day. I just want to go home. I am depressed and I don't know why. I feel like if someone looks at me wrong, I will start crying.

Anyone ever have days like that? Maybe it's more then the Monday blues?


It's just been a long and frustrating day.

posted by Susan @ 3:48 PM   7 comments
Friday, May 12, 2006
Happy Mother's Day!
Happy Mother's Day to all of my "mother" blogging friends. I know most of you have children and I wanted to say a special thanks to all of you.

Without mothers, this world...well, it would be bad! :)

Happy Mother's Day!

Have a great weekend!

posted by Susan @ 3:58 PM   6 comments
My friend Carol tagged me for this here goes...

Accent: I'm from Ohio, do I have a accent???

Bible Book that I like: I'm not sure I have one yet. I really like Romans so far though.

Chore I don't care for: LAUNDRY! It is my enemy.

Dog or Cat: Cats.

Essential Electronics: Cell phone, computer...

Favorite Cologne: Happy from Clinque

Gold or Silver: Silver, only

Handbag I Carry Most Often: Walmart purchase, with Tinkerbell on it..

Insomnia: Thank God for sleeping medicine.

Job Title: Logistics Coordinator

Kids: Tommy & Chester - both cats. They count don't they? :)

Living Arrangements: With mother and cats!

Most Admirable Trait: I'm goofy

Naughtiest Childhood Behavior: Being mean to my brother.

Overnight Hospital Stays: When I had my appendix out - July of last year

Phobias: Spiders?

Quote: "Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Einstein

Religion: I'm not religious, really. I'm a Christian.

Siblings: 1 brother

Time I Wake Up: 5:45 during the week, when ever I wake up on the weekends.

Unusual Talent or Skill: I have no idea.

Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: Anything that looks like a small tree. Example: broccoli

Worst Habit: Smoking.

X-rays: Ummm...I don't know. A couple?

Yummy Stuff I Cook: I make a mean spaghetti.

Zoo Animal I Like Most: The big cats.

I tag anyone who has not done this yet!
posted by Susan @ 7:39 AM   4 comments
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about My Mom! (In honor of Mother's Day)

1. My mom is the most beautiful mom in the whole world. (Don't even try to argue this one.)

2. She has been a registered nurse for almost 35 years.

3. She is the smartest person I know.

4. My dad was gone a lot when we were kids, she raised us mostly by herself. I think that took a lot of courage and strength on her part.

5. She makes the best bologna sandwiches on the whole planet.

6. When I was a little girl, she used to sing You are My Sunshine and Tiny Bubbles to me. This is something I will never forget. One year for my birthday, she bought me a clown figurine and it played Tiny Bubbles.

7. If it wasn't for my mother, I would be dead, literally. She has saved me from a few life ending experiences.

8. Have I mentioned she's the most beautiful mom in the world?

9. My mother has this great ability to laugh, even when the world is at it's darkest.

10. She tells me all the time that I am her favorite daughter. (Even though I am her only daughter, it still makes me feel good.)

11. She lets me steal and wear her clothes. Yes, she gripes about it but she still lets me do it.

12. She is my best friend in the whole wide world.

13. I am the person I am today, because of my mom.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It's easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

posted by Susan @ 10:58 AM   10 comments
Blogging Chick?
If you are, clearly you should join the Blogging Chicks blogroll, just like I did.

I found it on Lauren's website and decided to copy her! :) I thought it was a cool group to join!

So, what are you waiting for? Get over there. HEY! You in the green...get over there and sign up!


PS ~ Since I am "blogger" stupid, Karin is going to set up for me the code and the blog roll for this later today. So, it may take just a bit, please be patient. (I so don't know what I would do without Karin)
posted by Susan @ 7:23 AM   2 comments
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Hello! How is everyone? I am fine. Nothing new to really post about. Just another boring Wednesday.

I did want to post something since I was asked earlier today what was up with me not posting. I am having a boring week people!

I do have a prayer request though. My friend Kristy is having a hard time financially right now. She's struggling really bad and needs some prayer. If you all wouldn't mind, could you include her in your prayers for awhile?


Talk to you tomorrow!
posted by Susan @ 4:01 PM   3 comments
Monday, May 08, 2006
Guess What? My friend Karin is the one who made this new look for me!


We worked and worked to get this right. She wanted me to be happy and I am THRILLED!

Go on over and check her out. She's super easy to work with and has great ideas. I know she'd love to design your "new" look! You'll be glad you did!

So, tell me what you guys think! :)

I can't wait to hear from you.

PS - I know some of the other posts look funky. Somehow during the transition to the new look, it didn't like some of the apostrophes. I am working on fixing them.
posted by Susan @ 9:06 AM   10 comments
Friday, May 05, 2006
Hi there.
I haven't been ignoring you guys. (IF anyone cares) I haven't really felt like posting anything lately and I've been working with my "friend" on my NEW BLOG look. I am excited about that so haven't had much of a mind to work on anything else.

I hope everyone is doing okay. I haven't heard from some of you in awhile but I have been faithfully reading everyone's blogs lately.

Everyone have a nice weekend.

posted by Susan @ 10:10 AM   6 comments
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
I AM - Meme
I Am: The Meme

I found this over at Don't try this at home and thought it looked fun.

Here we go...
I AM: a daughter, sister, niece, friend
I WANT: to become a writer some day
I WISH: I had enough money to take care of my family
I HATE: spiders!
I MISS: my Grandpa
I HEAR: people talking around me
I WONDER: what it would be like to be someone else
I REGRET: not having more confidence
I AM NOT: a morning person
I DANCE: when I can
I SING: mostly in my car
I CRY: sometimes
I WRITE: sometimes
I CONFUSE: myself a lot
I NEED: find more time to do things for myself
I SHOULD: lose weight
I START: writing stories
I FINISH: reading books

If you haven't done this meme and would like to, I tag you! Please leave me a note in my comments so I can come check out your answers.
posted by Susan @ 3:38 PM   7 comments
Please don't hang up on me just yet...try me out.
About Me

Name: Susan
Home: Hamilton, Ohio, United States
About Me:
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Words to Live By

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" Einstein

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